MARY LOUISE WATSON

I got a girlfriend, ah Mary, heavy Louise Watson is her name
I tell ya, I got me a girlfriend, Mary Lou Watson is her name
Well I tell you anymore, anymore
All the time she's telling me she don't love me
But I don't care cause I know she do just the same
Now she's, she's a pretty good looking woman
She lost a little weight, you know, she been on that diet
And her best friends they don't call her heavy no more
Now they call her, her best friends they call her Lulu
Ah she's taken on some fine womanly qualities, yes she had
And her best friends, her intimate friends, they don't call her heavy no more
They call her Lulu, oh yeah
Now this woman, she may come up on ya, and she may tell you she don't
That's right but I know she do, do, yeah
Oh I'm gonna speak to you on the subject of this lady right now

Now I wanna tell you
Whenever I sleep with this woman I have the strangest dreams
Well she lost a little weight and she thinks she did it by the grace of the Lord
So old Lulu, heavy Louise, she just, she done got herself some religion
And every night, every night before I go to bed she makes me kneel down on my knee
And say two Hail Mary's and four Our Fathers
It's allright, you know, that ain't too bad, but every morning
I don't go to bed early, you know, I got to bed a little late
After Johnny Carson or something, you know
And every morning, six o'clock, she makes me get up and go down to that church
She won't, she won't love me if I don't do this, she tells me
Go down to that church and bless myself with the holy water
And go in and take confession
Now this is every morning, she makes me do this
You know like when I was in Catholic school I'd go once a month
Or when the nuns would drag me on Friday, you know
I didn't mind that too much

Now this woman makes me go every morning
She figures I got a lot of confessing to do or something
Oh I guess I do, you know the way life is these days
With raw sex on Channel 13, you know, and alcohol on the streets
Now the Pandemonium shut down, she was glad about that you know
She joined the Woman Temperance Union, you know
Yeah she's really strong on this stuff now, she certainly is
Anyway now, this has been going on for two months, you know
Since she brought herself down to 205
So I wanna tell you about the dreams I have
When I, when I'm laying beside her and I fall off to sleep
You know I dreamed I dined with angels
I'll be damned if the Lord wasn't there too
I said I dreamed I dined with the angels, that's right
I'll be damned, goddamned if the Lord wasn't there too
Sittin' at the head of the table and he got to drink out of the gold cup
Me and the angels got the silver ones

Well I must say I was surprised to see that sweet lady Mary
Oh she come all dressed in blue
Oh what a vision, oh what a vision yeah
Oh but alas I must admit, I was tempted by that old man Lucifer, alias Satan
Alias the Devil came in disguise, oh yes he did
Oh I must admit I was tempted by Lucifer, who came dressed in disguise
As an Egyptian princess, with the biggest diamond you've ever seen
I say the biggest diamond you ever seen, right between her thighs, oh yes she did
I wanna tell ya, that dream last night, well that dream last night
Must have been, it must have been, I said it must have been
It must have been some kind of warning, because I don't remember
I don't remember, I don't remember waking up this morning
And if I didn't you people are in a lot of trouble too